Boom! Suckerpunch to your FACE! My SEO rules you!
I just dominated Google! Check out where this article ranks! Read ‘em and weep, chump. Let’s see….this article is….pointless. Just like all the hype, hocus pocus and Harry Potter-esque wizardry surrounding search engine
Nothing you do will work – or at least it won’t work for long. You don’t have the secret sauce. You lack the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs and spices. You got no ‘mo SEO mojo, my friend. Game over. (As for me, I’m tight with the Colonel, so…)
Search Engine Optimization is not for you.
Don’t be sad. Get a new hobby. I hear basket weaving is taking off. Why am I being so crass? One, I don’t really know. The mood I’m in I guess. Two, it’s really for your own good. This business is not for everyone. Heck, it’s hardly right for anyone other than scheisters, con men and retired used car salesmen.
It’s a constant game of dirty pool. It’s not only a dog-eat-dog fight between you and the next “SEO guru” (such a lame term by the way), but while you’re pawing off an attack from your competitor on the left, Google comes up on your right and smashes your legs with a baseball bat like some thug mob enforcer wanting your protection money. Nothing in SEO is safe or sacred. This game is different. Daily.
Google Needs Traffic Like Popeye Needs Spinach.
So, does that mean SEO is bad? Nah, it’s perfectly legit. In fact, Google needs you to manipulate your websites in order to tell the people what’s relevant, who in turn, tell them. Google is completely dependent on traffic results. And what drives traffic online? Backlinks! Well, that and social media. But, again, it’s all about traffic – REAL TRAFFIC.
Google, in all their infinite wisdom, can’t possibly go to every site and personally rate their value and significance. As such, they sit back and wait for their Googlebots to report popularity via 2 things: Backlink count (quality over quantity) and traffic (via Google searches, mostly.)
Google needs people, and since they need people, they try to cater to people, but can only do so after people tell them what people want.
CAVEAT GOES HERE!
Adwords and authority sites. Two things that skew almost every Google search result.
Contrary to what anyone else on this planet tells you, it makes the most business sense (Google is a business, remember?) to give any and all preference to the people who pay you. So if a website advertises through Adwords, they will receive preferential treatment in the regular SERPS.
Authority sites. If you have a site, for example in the health niche, your main competitor – the site your site lives in the shadow of – would be someone like WebMD. Google thinks that the “authority” sites like that are the ones that you and everyone else want to get your info from. Regardless of if or when any quality or truth ever stems from it, an authority site will outrank you most of the time because of it’s sheer size and age. It will be the Death Star to your Speeder bike.